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Last updated: November 11, 2020
Please read these terms and conditions carefully before using Our Service.
The words of which the initial letter is capitalized have meanings defined under the following conditions. The following definitions shall have the same meaning regardless of whether they appear in singular or in plural.
For the purposes of these Terms and Conditions:
Affiliate means an entity that controls, is controlled by or is under common control with a party, where "control" means ownership of 50% or more of the shares, equity interest or other securities entitled to vote for election of directors or other managing authority.
Country refers to: Colorado, United States
Company (referred to as either "the Company", "We", "Us" or "Our" in this Agreement) refers to Nigel Aves Photography.
Device means any device that can access the Service such as a computer, a cellphone or a digital tablet.
Service refers to the Website.
Terms and Conditions (also referred as "Terms") mean these Terms and Conditions that form the entire agreement between You and the Company regarding the use of the Service. This Terms and Conditions agreement has been created with the help of the Terms and Conditions Generator.
Third-party Social Media Service means any services or content (including data, information, products or services) provided by a third-party that may be displayed, included or made available by the Service.
Website refers to Nigel Aves Photography, accessible from https://twin-peaks-video.com
You means the individual accessing or using the Service, or the company, or other legal entity on behalf of which such individual is accessing or using the Service, as applicable.
These are the Terms and Conditions governing the use of this Service and the agreement that operates between You and the Company. These Terms and Conditions set out the rights and obligations of all users regarding the use of the Service.
Your access to and use of the Service is conditioned on Your acceptance of and compliance with these Terms and Conditions. These Terms and Conditions apply to all visitors, users and others who access or use the Service.
By accessing or using the Service You agree to be bound by these Terms and Conditions. If You disagree with any part of these Terms and Conditions then You may not access the Service.
You represent that you are over the age of 18. The Company does not permit those under 18 to use the Service.
Our Service may contain links to third-party web sites or services that are not owned or controlled by the Company.
The Company has no control over, and assumes no responsibility for, the content, privacy policies, or practices of any third party web sites or services. You further acknowledge and agree that the Company shall not be responsible or liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused or alleged to be caused by or in connection with the use of or reliance on any such content, goods or services available on or through any such web sites or services.
We strongly advise You to read the terms and conditions and privacy policies of any third-party web sites or services that You visit.
We may terminate or suspend Your access immediately, without prior notice or liability, for any reason whatsoever, including without limitation if You breach these Terms and Conditions.
Upon termination, Your right to use the Service will cease immediately.
Notwithstanding any damages that You might incur, the entire liability of the Company and any of its suppliers under any provision of this Terms and Your exclusive remedy for all of the foregoing shall be limited to the amount actually paid by You through the Service or 100 USD if You haven't purchased anything through the Service.
To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, in no event shall the Company or its suppliers be liable for any special, incidental, indirect, or consequential damages whatsoever (including, but not limited to, damages for loss of profits, loss of data or other information, for business interruption, for personal injury, loss of privacy arising out of or in any way related to the use of or inability to use the Service, third-party software and/or third-party hardware used with the Service, or otherwise in connection with any provision of this Terms), even if the Company or any supplier has been advised of the possibility of such damages and even if the remedy fails of its essential purpose.
Some states do not allow the exclusion of implied warranties or limitation of liability for incidental or consequential damages, which means that some of the above limitations may not apply. In these states, each party's liability will be limited to the greatest extent permitted by law.
The Service is provided to You "AS IS" and "AS AVAILABLE" and with all faults and defects without warranty of any kind. To the maximum extent permitted under applicable law, the Company, on its own behalf and on behalf of its Affiliates and its and their respective licensors and service providers, expressly disclaims all warranties, whether express, implied, statutory or otherwise, with respect to the Service, including all implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, title and non-infringement, and warranties that may arise out of course of dealing, course of performance, usage or trade practice. Without limitation to the foregoing, the Company provides no warranty or undertaking, and makes no representation of any kind that the Service will meet Your requirements, achieve any intended results, be compatible or work with any other software, applications, systems or services, operate without interruption, meet any performance or reliability standards or be error free or that any errors or defects can or will be corrected.
Without limiting the foregoing, neither the Company nor any of the company's provider makes any representation or warranty of any kind, express or implied: (i) as to the operation or availability of the Service, or the information, content, and materials or products included thereon; (ii) that the Service will be uninterrupted or error-free; (iii) as to the accuracy, reliability, or currency of any information or content provided through the Service; or (iv) that the Service, its servers, the content, or e-mails sent from or on behalf of the Company are free of viruses, scripts, trojan horses, worms, malware, timebombs or other harmful components.
Some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion of certain types of warranties or limitations on applicable statutory rights of a consumer, so some or all of the above exclusions and limitations may not apply to You. But in such a case the exclusions and limitations set forth in this section shall be applied to the greatest extent enforceable under applicable law.
The laws of the Country, excluding its conflicts of law rules, shall govern this Terms and Your use of the Service. Your use of the Application may also be subject to other local, state, national, or international laws.
If You have any concern or dispute about the Service, You agree to first try to resolve the dispute informally by contacting the Company.
If You are a European Union consumer, you will benefit from any mandatory provisions of the law of the country in which you are resident in.
You represent and warrant that (i) You are not located in a country that is subject to the United States government embargo, or that has been designated by the United States government as a "terrorist supporting" country, and (ii) You are not listed on any United States government list of prohibited or restricted parties.
If any provision of these Terms is held to be unenforceable or invalid, such provision will be changed and interpreted to accomplish the objectives of such provision to the greatest extent possible under applicable law and the remaining provisions will continue in full force and effect.
Except as provided herein, the failure to exercise a right or to require performance of an obligation under this Terms shall not effect a party's ability to exercise such right or require such performance at any time thereafter nor shall be the waiver of a breach constitute a waiver of any subsequent breach.
These Terms and Conditions may have been translated if We have made them available to You on our Service. You agree that the original English text shall prevail in the case of a dispute.
We reserve the right, at Our sole discretion, to modify or replace these Terms at any time. If a revision is material We will make reasonable efforts to provide at least 30 days' notice prior to any new terms taking effect. What constitutes a material change will be determined at Our sole discretion.
By continuing to access or use Our Service after those revisions become effective, You agree to be bound by the revised terms. If You do not agree to the new terms, in whole or in part, please stop using the website and the Service.
If you have any questions about these Terms and Conditions, You can contact us:
BY THE STAGE MANAGER:
It looks as though there'll be time for a third dress rehearsal.
Take your time getting back from break.
We've been ready for hours.
No, I called that perfectly the first time, let's move on.
The headsets are working perfectly.
The cue lights are working perfectly.
The orchestra has no complaints.
The whole company is standing by whenever you need them..
That didn't take long.
No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE PRODUCER:
Of course there's enough money to go around.
We have money left over.
No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE DIRECTOR:
Wow, the designers were right, weren't they?
No, today is the tech rehearsal, we'll re-work that scene later.
I think the scene changes are too fast.
Of course I think that we'll be ready in time for opening.
The crew? Why they're just wonderful!
That’s fine, I’ve got my own torch.
Leave it where it is, we’ll re-block it.
This chair’s fine, thank you.
No we don't need to use glitter in this show as it takes the stage crew hours to sweep the stuff up. One small bubble machine should work.
We’ll use it as it is.
My round, are all the crew here?
No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE DESIGNERS:
Of course all of my drawings were turned in on time.
Yes, it is absolutely my fault that the set looks awful.
You know, you might have a point there.
The director knows best, obviously I wasn't giving him what he wanted.
We may have too many gel colours in stock, I can't choose.
The shop will have the costumes ready on time.
No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE TECHNICAL DIRECTOR:
This is the most complete and informative set of drawings I've ever seen.
We built it right the first time.
No problem, I'll deal with that right away.
I love designers.
No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE ACTOR:
Don't.... Let's not talk about me.
I really think my big scene should be cut.
This costume is so comfortable.
I love my shoes.
No problem, I can do that myself.
I have a fantastic agent.
Let me stand down here with my back to the audience.
No, leave that spot where it is - I'll walk into it.
I'm sure someone told me there was a wall down here, I just forgot.
Without the crew the show would never run - let's thank them.
No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE STAGE CREW:
There's room for that over here.
We'll get in early tomorrow to do it.
No, no, I'm sure that is our job.
Anything I can do to help?
All the tools are carefully locked away.
Can we do that scene change again, please?
It's a marvellous show.
I don't need this many on the crew.
I'm getting loads of sleep - everythings going really well.
No thanks, I don't drink.
BY THE ELECTRICS CREW
I must fix the light in the publicity office.
This equipment is far more complicated than we need.
Of course I can operate sound from here.
Be sure to keep that instrument away from the flying pieces.
All the lanterns on the bar a foot to the right? No problem.
I’ll do that right away.
All the equipment is working perfectly.
No, please - take the last doughnut.
That had nothing to do with the computer, it was my fault.
Yes, it would be easier to do it on paper, wouldn't it.
I have all the equipment I need, thanks.
No, honestly, it’s my round.
Thanks, but I don’t drink.
BY THE CHOREOGRAPHER
This floor’s fine.
Plenty warm enough, thank you.
The lights are spot on.
Leave it; we’ll fit in somehow.
One dressing room’s fine.
The costumes are perfect.
The boom positions are fine.
The wing space is ample, really.
Thanks, but I don’t drink.
BY THE ORCHESTRA
Oh the pit's fine; actually we don't need all that space you could have built a smaller pit.
No it's alright we can unload our equipment ourselves, we don't want to trouble the stage crew when they are busy.
Could you turn these music stand lights down? They're a bit too bright.
Of course we can play quieter.
The foldback is fine.
Thanks, but we don’t drink.
BY THE FRONT OF HOUSE MANAGER
Yes, we knew all about the size of the mixing desk. We even allowed a few spare seats in the stalls in case you had some extra equipment.
Yes Please, and make it a double.
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like.................night.
On the other hand.............. you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99.9% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Spread bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
I plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand!
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to re-evaluate your exercise program.
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
A: Thicker gravy.
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.